I feel like starting with Christmas may be a bit misleading that life has always been easy and this blended thing is a walk in the park. The truth is, most days, it feels like everything about our life is hard. Even simple day-to-day decisions require a thorough plan, much different than in a non-blended family.
My husband and his ex-wife had a tumultuous divorce to put it lightly. In fact, for about a year, Paul couldn’t even keep the kids overnight. She used the kids as leverage any chance she got, called the cops on him, and really succeeded in making life hell for the first few years of their divorce. Going to court, calls to attorneys, and embarrassing moments with the police became a regular part of life. Control was not something she was going to let go of and no matter what was going to be the best for the kids, Paul was going to be punished if she had anything to say about it. Thankfully the kids were young and really didn’t know much of what was going on.
This time in his life was hard on him. He felt powerless and I certainly didn’t know how to help him. I was new to this as well. I knew the way she was acting was wrong, but I had no idea what we could do about it. At this point, her hatred for me was off the charts adding more drama to every situation. She still could not make decisions based on the best interests of the kids and chose to enact her “power” every chance she got.
We recorded every phone conservation, collected evidence of when she acted irrationally and waited. It wasn’t until about three years later we were able to use our evidence and begin to fight.